When my dad was medically discharged I was selfishly relieved; it meant no threat of moving, and there was no chance of him leaving for months on end – we could be a family again.
By Charli Brand
One of the most distinct memories I have of my dad was when he had to leave. Having a fun day in the city, driving with him to the airport, and then crying as we all hugged him goodbye. My parents decided to keep us all in one place while my dad went off to do his postings – supposedly to maintain stability for us. In a way it worked, but my memory is still engraved with that arduous pattern of crying and hugging when he left and crying and hugging when he came back.
I always thought I was so lucky because I knew he was never in danger. He just disappeared off to NSW or Hawaii or Malaysia and he’d come back and everything was fine. There was never any physical danger at least.
When my dad was medically discharged I was selfishly relieved; it meant no threat of moving, and there was no chance of him leaving for months on end – we could be a family again. My dad left the Defence Force, but a part of it never really left him. We saw it in the subtle, and sometimes not-so-subtle, differences in the way he acted, his short temper, his dismissiveness, and his sense of despair. He tried so hard to act the part: of the breadwinner man who would take care of his family. But the façade was crumbling apart.
Money cannot fix these systemic issues, at least not alone. But the support from AVCAT certainly makes a difference.
Sometimes I miss the sweet innocence I had as a kid, crying and hugging my dad as he left and came back, and left and came back. It’s hard to look at him the same way. And it’s hard to rekindle the simple relationship we once had.
Money cannot fix these systemic issues, at least not alone. But the support from AVCAT and RSL Queensland certainly makes a difference. It has allowed me to leave a home that doesn’t quite feel like a home anymore. It has allowed me to take the time to understand and care for myself so I can reach out to my dad with a healthy mindset. It has allowed me to work less so I can focus on the important things in my life: my education, my relationships, and my health.
It’s easy to see the struggle of Defence families as merely physical. But it goes so much deeper: the culture of toxic masculinity, lack of mental health awareness, and more. My story is only one of thousands and I hope that one day we may learn from our mistakes – one step at a time.
Charli was awarded the RSL Queensland Scholarship in 2022.